It’s interesting to realize what you have learned from a relationship. A new relationship, be that with a friend or lover, can bring out sides of you and emotions that you never knew possible. Of course, we see the good sides but the other deeper sides can also prove to be very interesting. Even when we feel that we failed at a relationship, we can still gather some sort of information from our time spent.
Ending something is hard and can sometimes feel like you won’t make it past the first month. The worst break up is when you feel that you gave 120% of yourself and you got less than 50% in return. The embarrassment, the anger and the pain can make it feel like it won’t get better but it does eventually. In an effort to remember words of wisdom that I have gathered in my 28 years in the dating world, I have compiled a list of suggestions.
• Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions? It’s good to get deep with the situation and see what caused the problems. Even if we feel the other person is at fault, we can always examine our own actions.
• Often times, the ex will want to remain friends with you but give yourself some time and distance. I have learned that you should give yourself a break from the drama and ignore the emails, the phone calls or the texting. That’s not to say you can’t ever be friends but you need to put some distance between yourself and the person of conflict.
• Reflect but don't get sucked back into a black hole. Whether you ended it, were broken up with, or it ended mutually, it’s good to remain steadfast on the decision. We always look back with open and happy eyes but the problems will still exist. If you could not work past it the first time, you won’t work past it a second time most likely. Don’t play these games. Move past it and work for the future. I have found that working on your own foundation is a good start. Get a massage, work out more, take an art class, anything that will benefit your spiritual and emotional growth.
• Accept the pain and anger. If you have friends who don’t want to hear it, tell them to fuck off. True friends will listen even if you have told the same story 17 times. Be honest and cry if you need to and don’t feel bad about your emotions. Most likely, all those feelings had been trying to get out for awhile. Let it out and then you can get past it with clarity.
• You will feel jealous. You might begin checking Facebook to see if they have any new friends that they could be dating or hooking up with. This is quite common but don’t succumb to the pressure. I have learned that ignorance can sometimes be bliss. Just stop yourself from trying to get more information and let the jealousy go if you can. It’s hard but must be done.
• Find a good outlet once your friends have told you to shut up. Yes, I stated above that a good friend will listen no matter what, but most people are not that patient. Find a way to let out your feelings. I write, privately. I keep a private blog that allows me to express myself with no thought of people viewing it or judging me. Judgment can be a big problem for most people so get rid of that obstacle. It’s good to write down your feelings so you can look back later and realize how you felt and it can help you to avoid the same mistakes.
• Finally, just let go. It’s probably the most difficult thing to do but it has to be done. You have to let go of the ghost of the relationship because the shadow will haunt you forever. Love comes and love goes but it’s unending and there is no shortage. It all comes full circle.
These are all suggestions that I have learned along the way from my relationships and my friends relationships.