KeepItCute (myselfdestruct) wrote,

Holiday Blues

I find it difficult to function in social situations. I feel either overwhelmed or ignored. It's hard to have conversations with strangers who really don't care about your answers. I find that strangers only really listen if they need something or want to have sex with you, or a combination of both. At 21, my social skills were great. I could fake my way through a conversation about Tom, Dick or Jane all the while smiling with interest at the story, even though I had no idea who these people were or why they were part of the story.

At 31, it's a different story. I find that if people are not talking to me, I don't make an effort. Lets be honest, it's rare to meet someone new in San Francisco who can talk about anything other than drugs, sex or their looks. It's always refreshing to meet people who enjoy talking about things of broad topic but it seems so rare that I might as well look for a unicorn. This is not limited to San Francisco as I encounter the same thing in Los Angeles and anywhere I travel. A way of the world? Perhaps.

I miss my southern roots.

I think the only thing more frustrating than starting a conversation with someone I don't know is when people don't make formal introductions. I'm old school and if you meet a friend of mine, I try to give something of common interest. It's the polite thing to do when these two people have no real mutual interest other than you. I'm sure that some people think I am a complete a-hole on the first meeting and they might be correct. I'm usually just quiet until I have something I can talk about or someone starts a conversation of which I have a background. This happens all the time to me at work or out in a bar. If I had a dollar for every friend who got mad because I was not jumping into a conversation but never really introduced me, I might be able to buy some nice pants. I could just be a social outcast, it's very likely.

The holidays bring out the best and the worst in people. Why can't people be nice all year long? Why must the positive energy only exist for one day. Let's begin buying presents for loved ones all year long and try to do one positive thing for someone a day. In a city like San Francisco, you see so much that it feels as though I am the luckiest man alive as I don't deal with things nearly as hard as so many but I still look to what I need and realize that it's not material in nature. During the holidays, I seem to meet so many new people and feel overwhelmed with the pressure of it all. Can't I just be quiet? Must we constantly talk to make others feel comfortable? Why can't we just enjoy the silence?
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